Saturday's sentimental mood

Oh dear God.

I'm in love.

With this life, with this feeling, with this imperfection, with this whole thing.

I am in love.

And as awkward as I am, I don't know how to express it.

Would you mind give me an idea or two? 

The cow's floating in my coffee and I'm still bored

I spent the whole day at home, recharging and lazying around. It was fun after breakfast, a glass of iced coffee and two sitcoms, but it was no longer fun when everything I did was all between two monitors: TV and computer.

Then I took a looooooong shower and indulged myself with Strawberry Shower Gel. The strawberry-kissed skin I got was quite a mood booster. But as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, the boredom's back.

After lunch, as an avid coffee drinker as I am, I made another glass of iced coffee. Then I grabbed my camera and took this.

The silly cow's floating in my coffee and I still don't know what else could make this Saturday less boring.

"You have to know when to quit!"

"You have to know when to quit." Uncle told me only a couple of hours after I actually quit something in front of him.

"I did quit!" I yelled (in a nice way, of course, he's everyone's uncle anyway, hahaha) just to make sure he remembered what had happened earlier.

"Yes, I know, and I'm very happy you did that finally!" He seemed so relieve.

Watching the odd conversation between me and uncle, Y smiled and said nothing.

Here's the thing.. After 6 months, I finally quit from this uncertain situation. I wanted them to know that I deserve something much better and I wouldn't let my self being used like this anymore. I did it in the name of professionalism and integrity, and though it seems a little bit too late, I'm proud of it.

Thanks to Y, the one who had foreseen it since the very beginning, who spilled every single nasty thing about it and who woke me up from this awful condition, the one who wanted to bite me (literally) because I was too stubborn, hahahaha.

...and another goodbye

I hate goodbye.

I hate to say it, I hate to be left behind, I hate to see someone's leaving. I even hate it when he or she was a super nice person. I handled so many goodbyes so well. I put my best smile, laughed along with him or her, and only said the good words. But I always had myself hurt at least for the rest of the day. Like something stuck in my throat, my stomach feels unwell, and my heart is so heavy that I couldn't breathe easily.

And the feeling of knowing that tomorrow is never gonna be the same due to his or her absence is the worst feeling and yeah it hurts.

Huh.

When he met her and when everyone is happy

This was my mission: to get her out of the agony, to introduce her to the real life, her life that is supposed to be awesome, to stop her from being teary and wounded. Although it wasn't an easy mission, I get it done through a simple lunch.

I set up a lunch with her and him. We met at the pizza place. I introduced him to her. Introducing him wasn't all I wanted to do at the first place. But through the introduction, I wanted her to know that if I could get better, then she could get better too. I wanted her to know that happiness is simple and it's everywhere, and it's everyone's rights.

I never introduced my special ones to her. It's funny, she knows everything about me but never got a single chance to met one of them. Only this time, she finally got to. And as I expected, they got along so well.

With Happy Partner #1

With Happy Partner #2

Well, she looked and sounded better than the past few weeks. But one thing for sure, she finally said that she's trying to live her life back. I'm pretty happy with that :)

Terrifying true stories

I have written about how obvious yet vague love is, about a girl with a broken heart, about a girl in love but still feeling terrified, about the sudden hopes, and about how I see love as a very rational thing.

Just today, my two friends (both female and married) and I had conversation over lunch. They (yes, both of them, because I just listened) were telling true stories about their lives, their marriage lives. Their stories were sense awakening.

Here's the thing. Growing up with both parents still married is something I should be very very thankful. But growing up not knowing the dark side of the marriage life is something I should feel very sorry to my self.

Since I was a little girl, I keep dreaming of a perfect life, a fairy tale kind of life. That someday I'd meet a gentle man, fall in love so deeply, marry him and have children with his last name. How he'd be a super dad, a lovely hubby and a true best friend to me. I never had a thought that he'd cheat on me, that he'd love to tell lies to me, and he'd do many terrible things to me.

Don't get me wrong. I am not naive. I know that there's a gray area, an area that is unfamiliar to me. I know that the world is an awesome yet at the same time an awful place to live. I know that people sometimes can be very ignorant and mean. I know that words are more dangerous than any lethal weapons and such words can be said by anyone including those who are supposed to be the nicest persons on earth. And, sorry guys, I know that most of men are mean and worth to be labeled as jerks.

To be fair enough, I know that girls can be soooo annoying and whiney and too irrational. I know that girls are easily attached, easy to gain trust from men, and bruise easily. Girls also can be jerks, I admit that. Well, fair enough, huh?

But when I wrote about how I have met gentle men, jerks, megalomaniacs, clueless men, and bipolar man... To be exact, I haven't met the bad-ass jerks yet!

And from the conversation, there's a lot of chances that I might marry a jerk.

How terrifying..

To integrity and beyond!

Say I'm not qualified enough to whine about this, say I don't have enough experience to express what I think it should be. But well, I've learned from the best teachers of life about things such as integrity and professionalism. I also learned how to be a good person who is helpful and nice to surrounding people.

Well... it is a bit too much now. The favor I have offered is now being used improperly. I am dragged to the thing I frankly not supposed to deal with. In the name of favor, I am now trapped.

Someone had foreseen this and he already brought this up to me and well, I wasn't worried at all that day. But here I am... regretful and very tired of this. It ain't fun no more. It doesn't even give me the euphoria of idea-digging!

What a blunder.

I now realize that it wasn't about the quantity, it's all about the quality and I failed to manage and explore it! You may see how messed up I am right now by reading this not-so-well-written post.

Though the words of wisdom given by him has already made up my mind, I still am not very sure enough with my self.

So, starting tomorrow, I will stand on my own line and be still.

To integrity and beyond!

Talking about me, you, your "love", and my love for you

Okay, let me tell you something..

When I wrote this, I was 23 years and 9 months old. I've been in several hook-ups and break-ups. I know how 'falling in love' feels like. I know how that broken heart is such a pain in the ass. I've met gentle men, jerks, megalomaniacs, clueless men, and bipolar man.

All I want to say is.. that LOVE is such a rational thing. It involves emotion, instinct, intuition and romance, but it really is a very very rational thing. Love is there, love is everywhere, love is never there. Love stays, love grows, love goes away. Love is happiness, love is pain.

I'm glad that I see such thing as love as a rational thing. Because, if I don't have such mindset, I'd end up killing my self whenever I have a broken heart. And I will not do that. My life is too precious to be taken away buy such jerks. I still have my people who loves me unconditionally, and I will always have God the Almighty.

So, dear you, my girl... Please.. please get over him!

I love you, your mom loves you, your late father loves you, your brothers love you, and you still got bunch of friends who will always be there for you. You're pretty and funny and very kind at heart. Why waste your time and energy to grieve over him?

Butterbeer

As a Harry Potter big fan.. I always wondered how butterbeer would taste like. For me, it would taste exactly like its name.. it's buttery, sweet, and has fizzy sensation..

Years later... I found this.. can you imagine how excited I was?!?

I went grocery shopping, rushed to the kitchen and voila! I finally got to taste the ultimate comfort drink for witches and wizards.. and yes, it tasted sweeeeeeeet... buttery and fizzy... I should've reheated it to get the warmth.

Butterbeer, anyone?

Now, let me find Harry, Ron and Hermione and invite them to my little bar.

Cheesy Saturday

Although it wasn't as smooth as I wished it would be, but well.. I, I meant, we made it to the festival. It's Kraft Serbu! Serba Kejumooo which was held in Senayan, Jakarta.

This was Kraft's third year and my second times. The event was bigger and noisier and they got more stalls than last year.

Hungry People

I came with Fina, Mba Jen and Sasa (Mba Jen's little sister). I also met up with Heidy and Rara. When the sun was going to set, mom and dad arrived. They took one good lap and bought foods then we went home.

It was a little bit, well.. bored.. and.. uhm.. cheesier than the last time. I don't know why, maybe it's because well.. I lost the excitement. I got my mind distracted, I guess :(

But hey, I still got pictures that I took.

I was starving when I arrived and this cheesy fried cassava was a good remedy

Japanese Pizzas caught my eyes

But then, I chose this goowy humble cireng

Takoyaki :)

Heidy and stuff from Cheese Fountain

Too cheesy to be true

Mom & Dad went hunting

Full, huh, Fin?

And yes, this is my favorite picture. I've been waiting a year for this. Finally, hahahaha...

Say "mooooo"!!

Well.. that's all.

I am hoping for a better Saturday next week, hihihi..

"What more can you be than the things they say you've been"

It's early in the morning. The sky's gray and rain drops kept falling gently. The air was too cold but here I felt the warmth from each one of us. We're laughing over inside jokes and it felt so good to have a good laugh until we hurt our stomach. Uncle then started to play his morning play list. But this morning, he had a slightly different play list. This was the order..

1. Seal - Love's Divine
2. Simply Red - Say You Love Me
3. Judy Garland - Somewhere Over The Rainbow

I love Seal's Love's Divine and the fact that both the music and lyrics literally are divine. And then along came Simply Red's Say You Love Me. No doubt, that is one of my ultimate favorite songs. But how come I got the meaning of the song just now?

I've been around so many times
That the world's turning in my mind
What do I think of it?
Oh it's so so
What more can you be than the things they say you've been...

So, isn't IT the most obvious yet vague thing?

You decide, ^^v

To attach and detach love

She is experiencing probably the most painful heartbreak. She is still in love but has nothing left to say or do to keep such love. She really is in pain and she even cries unconsciously. She only needs time to heal the wound. She keeps telling herself not to be very devastated, but she cannot help it. It is her first heartbreak experience, but she is very thankful to learn something so important in her life: to attach and detach love, to love not with all her life, and to keep loving herself and her other love of her life.

Right now she is still very terrifying.

She is holding on her feelings, keeping her away from the euphoria. She is trying her best to stay cool. In fact, she really is head over heels. She wants to do and tell things, yet she keeps silent and acts nothing. But her heart, her one and only heart, is about to be exploded. She may lose her power to hold on. One day, she will scream at the top of her lungs, shout her heart out loud. She'll deafening people surround her with her extraordinary confession. But she's a major coward. Right now she is still very terrifying.

Sudden hopes

I hope that this is worth fighting, worth crying, worth laughing, worth waiting and worth living.
I hope that we will never lose it. That we will always have reasons to keep it.
I hope that we will always be as good as we are, even when we're at our worst.
I hope that we will always have the great will to learn from each other and will never give up on each other.



Dear God..
Amin..

'Sorry' for your own sake

Why the word 'Apology' and 'Sorry', to me, both really has a hint of pity and a slightly taste of bitterness? It might be the hardest word to say, but on the other side, it might be the only word someone needs to hear. It has the ability to heal, to fix, to re-construct, even to erase the darkest memory.

Let's talk it rationally, I mean, don't put sincerity on it. Let's just talk about apology.

When two men conflict, none of them will voluntarily plead guilty. None. At least on the very peak of the conflict, no one will. Yet both of them keep hurting each other with words, things that are dangerous than any lethal weapon.

When conflict occurs, both men are guilty. Though it might not in a 50-50 kind of way, but both are responsible to it. But this fact is not easily acceptable. Who would accept to be guilty anyway, huh?

If one of them, in a gentle-man kind of way, consciously asking for apology, things are different. When the word 'sorry' first said, it calms the nerve. It speaks to the heart, the human heart.

Sorry is not the word to loser. No. Sorry is the word to show that we are aware of our acts that somehow hurt somebody. It's a word of responsibility. It's a word of peace.

If, after that, the other part has no sign to reconcile with us, then forget it. At least we're fully responsible to ourselves and brave enough to show it.

Say 'sorry', please..
Better if you put a teaspoon of sincerity in it.
It's for your own sake :)

"If I were you"

We failed to understand someone else's duties, tasks, responsibilities, whatever they are. We failed. We tend to belittle and underestimate someone else's job, just because we don't really understand what someone else is dealing with. Having said that, I think it's time to let them, let ourselves to try to understand our different tasks, different responsibilities, and learn to respect our jobs.

Have you ever felt like you really want to yell to those who underestimate your job, to put your shoes on them, just to let them know how hard, for example, it is to make a headline?

Being a copywriter, being somebody who writes and make lines, is really not easy. Anybody would easily say, "oh, she just writes. It's an easy peasy thing to do. I can do the same thing too." But the fact is, it's not that easy. Though I love being a copy writer and an author, it's not a job to belittled.

I respect my designers. I am very proud of them. Their skills and their passions to design. Why? Because I don't have such skills and passion. I wasn't born as a designer. I was born as a writer.

So why can't those people (not my designers, I love you, designers, hehehe), respect me as a copy writer? Respect my skills and passion? Why?

How about trying on my shoes?

If I were you, what would you do?

Today's line

Okay, I have this new idea to push me to write more creatively. Having done one post of 100 Words to Describe, I got new idea to make posts under the label of "Today's line".

The posts will be written based on the most memorable and inspiring line of the day that I heard from somebody else, or might be told by myself. And the rest will be the story behind the line.

Today's line will be the highlight of my day.

He hides something

He is unknown. He shuts his mouth close as close as he shuts his heart. Nobody knows his deepest thoughts and feelings. Nobody even knows his exact age. He got quite a temper, yet he always seems like a happy bubbly man. But how he sees his world surrounds him is very incomprehensible. He acts like he means it, but he talks so differently. He is surreal yet genuine at the same time.

Something is there. Something very personal, he hides it there. Something that never be revealed. Unless he opens his heart to someone with a great great heart.

New Blog Project: 100 Words to Describe

Some of you might already familiar with blog projects like, 365 blogs, 30 days of..., etc.. I did several projects on my previous blog. I succeeded one, and failed the other. I happened to visit a tumblr blog and she has this one tumblr account dedicated to her project called 100 Strangers in 100 Words.

I really like the idea. You know, sometimes you can tell someone's story since your first meeting with him/her. It's all written on his/her eyes and you feel like you want to tell a story.

I already sent her a message, asking for permission.

Now I'm doing her project my own way.

I call it, 100 Words to Describe.

I will describe anybody, randomly selected, in 100 words. He/she could be a total stranger, someone I barely know, someone I've known for years, or even someone from my imagination. My description will be based on my interaction with him/her, on his/her story, or on the look upon his/her face. And for everyone's sakes, I'll keep their identities anonymous.

And this ain't a project with limit. I'll do whenever I like. No limitation on post. Let's say I just made a new label called "100 Words to Describe".

Mission accomplished!

Been whining for weeks...

Finally, I got the chance to watch Toy Story 3... in 3D by the way!! hahahahahahahaha...

I've told you before, I made a promise I'd watch it no matter how. I'd still watch it with or without companion, in sickness or in health.

Oyeah~ ^^v

Mission accomplished.

The movie was great. I love it. I moved too by the last scenes.. Oh how sweet Andy and Bonnie played together with the toys.. Luckily, I didn't shed a tear.. hahahahaha...I bit my lip extra hard and that's enough to hold the tear from falling.

Though I'm still having this bad cold (meant that I watched it in sickness -___-'), I didn't watch alone. A very good companion accompanied me. I felt sorry for him because I wasn't in a good shape, I sneezed and coughed a lot. I shivered too. And I have this kind of big voice that I kept telling him, my so sexy voice, hahahaa...

The silliest thing was, uhm.. the 3D glasses. I should've been aware of the fact that I'm gonna wear two pair of glasses.. I should've worn lenses, instead of glasses. So, can you imagine how silly I looked? Oh, by the way, he did the same silliness too.. We're just beyond silly by wearing two pair of glasses at once, hahahahahaha...

Being very kind to me, I'd like 'pay' his favor by accompany him to grab a meal. We were walking toward the food court and suddenly he pushed my back and directed me to go downward through the escalator.

"You're still sick. Let's go home. You should go home, now."

Then he sent me off.

I came home safe and sound, but the influenza viruses keep getting worst.

So tonight, I'll be resting up, hoping I can go back to work in health.

Slippers + Blanket = Rest Up!

Or maybe I should do what Itchie told me to.. "Get your day off on Monday. Tell you're feeling worst after watching the movie.."

Okay, blog has written, and I'm off to bed now.

Thank you, Uchil for being such a good company today. Next up, how about the most hillarious animated movie, refer to Cella, Despicable Me. Huh?

Oh Space Ranger.. Oh Cowboy...

I wanna watch Toy Story 3 soooooooo baaaaaaaad!!!!

I feel like I'm going to cry now, just because.. *sigh~

You all know how I love those toys, huh? I planned to watch it yesterday with a friend but then I felt very sick. I had to postpone it. Yet today I'm still having this cold and I can't go anywhere.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I made a promise to myself that I'm going to watch Toy Story 3 tomorrow no matter how. I'm going to watch it, with or without companion, in sickness or in health.

I cannot stand it anymore. I have to see my space ranger and cowboy T_______T